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Saturday, November 10, 2007

Well, guessed I'm going to rot at home for the time being.
Having training at Sembawang RC in the evening at five. (:
Still hesitating whether to do or not. >.<

Goshs!
I had a dream last night! >.<
It just shocked me alive, &I sat on my bed for few minutes.
I know myself clear, it gonna happen sonner or later.
It's just the matter of time.
Sighs. ):
There are so many thing bottling up in my heart now.
I'm gonna let everything out here.
Hopefully, it helps. ):
Sighs..
Have I been thinking far too much?
Or these are just the facts waiting for me to accept it?
I don't know. These days without you are really tough for me.
I have seen the other side of you whereby there isn't any support.
Yet..
I have clearly see it with my bear eyes, &I have clearly understand my stand in your heart.
I'm just NOTHING as compared to others!!!
When you first saw me under the block, you ignored me completely.
Instead, you looked at her &gave your best smile.
I endured it.
So what if you are sitting right at the view where you can see me clearly?
Or are you sitting there cause you can take a better view of her?
I was all alone on the lorry, trying to isolate myself.
Have you see the other side of my life without you?
Is there a need for you to pass her your pouch right infront of me?
Eric requested me to take his pouch, fair enough, I took it on my own initiative &willingness, &you looked at me.
What does this action means?
Do you care? Do you mind? Or you don't at all?
On the way back, out of the sudden, you happened to appear just directly behind me.
I was feeling rather pressurized, cause I have lost the feeling of being close with you once more.
Memories of us flashed back every single second.
I couldn't control my emotions, tears rolled down my checks.
As instructed from Eric, I went right infront of you, just for the sake of the packet of Coke.
You looked at me at a pathetic look.
You turned your head &looked at me when I didn't went up the lorry.
Do you have the need?
On few occasions, you looked at me with that pathetic look again.
How do you expect me to react???
Yes, though I saw your actions &I heard your voice, I just pretend that I don't mind at all.
But do you how hurt &offended am I when you are doing all these things?
I can't probably express it to you or even cry infront of you rights?
You can do this to me once, twice, thrice, but it don't help if you repeat it over &over again.
You will only make tougher to forget you.
I have to admit that I have been looking out for you every now &then.
I prayed that nothing will happen to you. I prayed that you are safe.
Just like, after your performance, I have the urge of giving you a bottle of water, standing by your side to wipe your sweat, or even just to share the joy of success with you &gave a tap on your shoulder.
I know I don't have the right anymore.
Seeing you standing alone, it's really hurt me.
Perhaps, the three words, I Love You, should never appear in my heart from this moment.
Cause I know I will never get back what I want.
&waiting will never help.
Do you know how fearful am I when I dreamt that you are together with her?!
It's just striked me.
Perhaps, it's a thing that will happen either sooner or later.
There are many things that is just beyond my control.
I know I must let go now.
You have apologised, but I can tell you.
Your apology don't help at all!
Sighs.


Expect the Unexpected
11:35:00 am