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Friday, June 22, 2007
Well!
Woke up dis mornin & feelin abit sick.
Nevermiinds. Nobody cares anyway.
Mum & sister left ferhs grandparents' house.
I'm alone at home again. X:
Was browsing thru e photos in my fone & happened tuh saw e photo of me & him.
I was stunned ferhs a moment & started tuh break down.
Humphs.
Chattin wiib my darling, June, & eventually she knew abt everything.
Nevermiinds. Wen tuh meet her at NorthPoint & slackin around.
& she wil neber fail tuh brighten up my dae! (:
Was tryin tuh sleep last niite & PYing suddenly col miie at one.
She will neber fail tuh wake miie up durin mid-niite one luhhs.
Hahs!
Chatted ferhs sometym & Rong joined in too.
PYing actually bought miie back those memories. X:
Din reallie tok much bahs.
Broke down abit after we hung & tryin tuh go back tuh sleep.
Arghs!
Havin tuition for two hours tomolo again.
Siians ~
My group of fwens ;;;
Well, I'm really glad that I get to know you guys. You guys really remind me of unforgettable memories. Those joys & laughers we shared together. Every moment we spent together are precious to me. I stil could remember those days whereby we hanged around FunLand, Yishun CC, 925 coffee shop & even Chilli's house. Those fun we had together once. Whenever I'm feeling down, your will never fail to stay by my side & cheer me up. & I really appreciate it. These were times when I was still together with Sky. That was the most happy moment I ever had as I have my love one & friends surrounding me anytime, anywhere. Thanks for everything!
But things started to change now. I wasn't the 'happy-go-lucky' girl anymore as you guys can see. The story of me & Sky had somehow ended unexpectedly. You guys know I just can't accept the reality now. I could just break down at any point of time. Every now & then, I feel that I'm bringing unhappiness to you guys. Whenever I'm feeling down, I know that my emotions are indirectly affecting your. Initially, I thought that whatever I do, you guys will never care or bother. But lately, I found out something. I went to smoke that day & upon knowing it, you guys reacted & rushed out to stop me. I was stubborn & refused to surrender the whole pack. You guys really make me feel the presence of your. A big thank you! (:
HIM ;;;
Perhaps, this will be the late message I'm writing for you now. I'm going to say out every single emotion & word that is in my heart. Whether you see it or not, that may not be that important anymore.
Till this point of time, I still love you as much as before. My feelings for you had never fade before. People have been giving me negative comments about you. I know those comments will not do me any good if I were to ingore it, but I told myself that no matter what, I must trust you. & I did it. We had really been through up & down of our relationship. I'm really glad that we managed to overcome them one after one, either together or alone. I won't denied that you was the one whom brought me out of the darkest periodl. & yet you was the one whom really pulled me all the way down. Every single word you said to me & every promise you made to me really mean alot to me. I take them seriously & I trusted them. Never did I expect you to break them one after one continously. Every promise you broke, it really break my heart into shattered pieces. Yes, I still remembered that I did promise you several things. I broke afew of them & you were disappointed with me & hurt by me. Can you ever imagine those feelings?
I could still remember that I once promised you that I would not smoke anymore. I broke it eventually. I started smoking again. It didn't cut down, instead it started to get more and worst. Sometime, I asked you or your friends for a stick, you will always warned them not to give me any. I feel that I'm really loved by you once. But I disappoint you by smoking behind your back time after time. I know you don't feel good when you see me smoking away. I just don't feel the pain you are getting. Nevermind. I even promised you that I would not be so vulgar anymore. And again, I broke it eventually. I have really changed alot recently. I used those unpleasant words anytime and anywhere I like. It had somehow become part of my daily language. Yes, you was right to call me a stranger in that message. I was just a stranger to you. And nothing else. Even though you tell me once that your temper isn't that good, and indeed you really lose your temper again and again. I beared with it and even initiated to apologise and calm you down. Did you ever notice and appreciate it? All I ever wanted was just your full attention. I wanted you to know that I'm lacking of something. Do you understand? I'm really afraid to lose you once more, but it happened. I wanted you to stay by my side and I wanted that sense of secure. I wanted you to overcome the O levels fear with me. I wanted your encouragements. I wanted you accompany. And I wanted you to love me wholeheartedly. Are all these so hard to give me? Do you know I really miss you presence, nagging and everything? I treasured every single moment you spent with me. I treasured everything you have done for me. I used to be so unappreciative, I hate you whenever you nagged at me or controlled my actions. I regretted, and I really wish I could hear your nagging and feel the control again. Every moment you spent with me are just so memorable and precious. I even loved those times when you raised your voice and shouted at me, though I'm really hurt. You will never fail to brighten up my day. But for now, I have made you so damn angry with me. There is nothing I can do now. My word of apology will not help anymore. I don't know what are you thinking every now and then. I do wish to know too. Every night, I just cried uncontrollably. Cause I know I have done something very wrong and I'm going to regret for life. This was infact the shortest relationship that I ever stepped into. You was the one whom I held on and waiting for so long. You was the one whom I really appreciate. And you was the one whom I loved the most! And yet you was the one whom hurt me so damn deep! Loving you is really so hard and I have conquer the difficulties. I have really said more than enough, I don't know what I'm going to do next. Is my waiting going to help anymore? I doubt so. Sigh. I don't know how am I going to overcome this period again. Nothing will help, execpt you. All I know, I just need you, because you have just somehow came into my life and I just can't let you go. I'm just too stubborn, that I can't allow myself to let go everything. O levels is getting nearer and nearer. And I have yet to do anything about it. And so are you. I'm feeling worry for you and me. Can you make it? Can I make it through? Sometime, I just feel like giving up my O level. I may or may not regret, I don't know. Yes, I was hurt in this relationship time after time. I'm just strong enough to overcome those hurt. I know I regretted and I blame myself for not holding you tight enough. Perhaps, our contact had ended. I supposed you simply hate me for what I have said that day. I'm sorry. Wil I be able to make a request? Can you return to my side once more? Nevermind, I just hope to see you study hard and take care of yourself. (:
Honestly, I just wish you could see this long message.
I'm really scared! Will you understand my feeling?
My endless tears.
Expect the Unexpected
10:57:00 am
10:57:00 am